So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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