I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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