K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
