Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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