You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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