i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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