i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
