if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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