you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
