what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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