let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
