omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am available for nakedness
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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