He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
