So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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