She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
