Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
