you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
