do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
