that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
