I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
