Will you blow on my dice?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
