You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
