omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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