Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Randomize
