Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
