everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
