The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
