Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
