he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
whose parrot is this?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize