One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
