I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
