i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
