I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
