I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The air was thick with penises
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
