so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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