I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize