You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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