when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
