They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
