Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
