Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
