That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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