Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
