No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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