Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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