i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
