i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it hurts more in the daytime
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
