Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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