If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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