3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
