note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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