There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I look better un-naked...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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