just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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