remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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