I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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