good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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