Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
