Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
