I think my vagina is haunted
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
