Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
