So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
