just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
