I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
