i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize