if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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