They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pappa wants mamma naked
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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